I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You smell like stripper and shame
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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