Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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