You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
