Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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