do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
