I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
