So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish I only lived at night.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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