my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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