Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
