Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
