bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The Olympian is in my bed
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize