I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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