I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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