Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm always down for nudity.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
