My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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