I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
