my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
