how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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