he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
