u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
