there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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