nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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