yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
