My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
