Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I didn't notice because vodka
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
