no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
