Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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