her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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