i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
