let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
