I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
