Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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