hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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