its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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