The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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