i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
