I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
