Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
