So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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