There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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