I cut my penus on the lid.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize