what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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