I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
