So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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