I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
