why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We left an ass print on the piano.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
