flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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