I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
