I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize