My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
