and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
