Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
