Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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