kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
