she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my being single is dangerous.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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