I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
