ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
