don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
