why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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