it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
