Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
