Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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