I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
