O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You ruined the universe
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
send nudes
from the living room?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
