I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
