You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
