I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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