They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Randomize
