If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
