Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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