He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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