what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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