There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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