i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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