I can feel you judging me through the phone.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
