and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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