i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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