you traded sex for a burrito?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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