you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
