Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
