The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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