good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
