I just saw a hot homeless man
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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