i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize