Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
