You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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