What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
