Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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