There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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