I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
