I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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