I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
