Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
