the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
