i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
organizing the empties. That sober.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
