I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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