I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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