my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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