just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
