the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize